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Can 5 Minutes Make a Difference?

Use Special Playtime & PRIDE Skills to deepen your relationship

March 15, 2012

What if I told you that five minutes a day can make a difference in your child's behavior and strengthen your relationship?  Would you believe me?  Would you want to know more?

I've just completed an online course with Impact Parenting.  Over the past five weeks, I watched a series of videos and had weekly phone conferences with Liann.  It was a fantastic experience, and I highly recommend it!

During my first phone conference with Liann, I told her about a trend of misbehavior at the end the day - when I need to make dinner and find the last ounces of energy to give baths.  Our discussion led to the idea of "filling up my daughter's emotional bucket," which would hopefully eliminate some of the neediness and attention-seeking behavior I was seeing in the late afternoon.

Liann suggested special playtime.  Basically, it's setting aside five minutes once a day to focus all of your attention on your child, and there are some guidelines to follow.

I'll admit that I was skeptical when she made this claim.  Five minutes?  Really?  How can that be enough time?  Well, Liann had research to support this "magic" five minutes and reminded me that most importantly, special playtime had to feel manageable to the parent.  Who doesn't have five minutes?

Now, here's the "catch," those five minutes have to be very purposeful.  Special playtime is about meeting your child's need for emotional connection and control.  It is not a time to be distracted or make a half-hearted attempt.  Give your full attention.  Enter her world and put your own agenda aside. The toughest part for me, no questions and commands, both of which assert your control on the situation.

Another key component of special playtime is something called PRIDE skills, an acronym for five communication skills:

  1. Praises
  2. Reflection
  3. Imitating
  4. Describing behavior
  5. Enthusiasm

Each day I sit down with my daughter and let her know this is our special playtime. Sometimes we draw pictures (like in the photo above), play princesses, or build with Legos. - she always gets a choice.  During that time I go through the list of PRIDE skills (this does take some practice) and fill up her emotional bucket.  The connection between us is almost tangible.  We are both calm and happy, and those feelings last into the evening.  I saw positive results almost immediately, which made forming a "special playtime" habit really easy.  Two months later, I can tell you that those five minutes - once each day - do make a difference for my four year old. (I plan to start special playtime with my youngest one, too!)

I encourage you to visit Impact Parenting online to read more about special playtime and PRIDE skills.  Liann is an expert in this strategy; please leave her comments and ask questions.

Start with this article: How to use PRIDE skills to develop a deeper relationship.

And then watch: Video showing PRIDE skills in action.

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Impact Parenting is a Macaroni Kid sponsor.  I am sharing this information because I feel like it really can make a difference for parents and kids!