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How do you serve meals?

Does family-style eating make a difference?

February 23, 2012

How does your family get their food?

Do you scoop-and-deliver?

Do you eat family style?

Have you ever even thought about it?

Well, Liann from Impact Parenting has me thinking about it, and I hope you will, too.

When I was growing up, my mom put five dishes on the table every evening at 6:00 sharp.  All six of us sat down and helped ourselves to some of each dish.  That was kind of the unwritten rule, try some of everything.  If I finished my potatoes but wanted more, I could ask for the dish and scoop some more.  Even if green beans weren't my favorite, I took a few and ate them.  Of course, there were some meals I did not like - chicken liver comes to mind - but I can't remember negotiating or arguing about what I was or was not going to eat.

With my own family now, I've been serving dinner from the stove and delivering a loaded plate to my daughter.  Mainly I do this because it seems quicker, less messy, requires fewer dishes, and honestly, I hadn't really thought about it.  My daughter never gets the chance to see the food - except what is on her plate.  Getting a second helping probably doesn't even occur to her because it would require a trip to the kitchen.  Taking amounts that suit her tastes hasn't been an option; I just guess how much she'll eat.  I also have a tough time getting her to eat fruit, which is the problem I mentioned to Liann during our recent Love & Logic conference call. 

The solution she suggested has changed the way I serve meals to my family.  I want to relay some of what Liann shared with me because "there has been a shift in our society from family-style meals to scoop-and-deliver, and research shows that mealtime has become a significant battle of families."

Serving family style is a way to share control with your child, and avoid power struggles. There is power in making choices.  You are sending a message by allowing your child to do it herself.  I can trust her to make choices about what and how much she is going to eat. 

This concept of sharing control at the dinner table really resonated with me.  It seemed easy enough and it just made sense, so I tried it. 

I just have to tell you that my four year old was so proud of herself!  She smiled as she scooped a little of this and a little of that ... all by herself, as she reminded us repeatedly.  She asked questions about the food she was choosing!  She asked for more avocado and ate every bite on her plate!  I also like the fact that my two year old is, at least, observing from her high chair, and I am being more aware of offering her choices (one scoop of peas or two?).

Does family-style eating make a difference?  I think it can.

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Liann Smith is an independent facilitator of the Becoming a Love and Logic Parent® cirricula.  She is also the mother of three grown children as well as a foster parent of two little ones.  Impact Parenting is a non-profit based in North Bend and offers parent coaching (on location, in office, or by phone) as well as Love and Logic classes.

I am currently enrolled in Liann's Online Parenting Class.  The 5-week course combines video lessons and electronic handouts with weekly coaching sessions via phone.  I have learned so much and been able to confidently apply new skills and concepts with support and feedback from Liann.