Q: I try to help my child calm down when she’s upset, but she tells me that she can’t calm down. How do I help her to learn to calm her body?
A: Many kids and adults are not aware when they become emotionally flooded, and they don’t know how to calm themselves down. When our heart rate goes up, we stop thinking and behaving logically. It takes at least 20 minutes for anyone to calm down their body and soothe themselves. Kids don’t know how to do this on their own. They need help from adults to learn how to self soothe.
When I tell my 3-year-old to take deep breaths when she is upset, she has said, “I don’t know how!” There are a few simple ways to teach your child how to take deep breaths when they are upset.
The first is to get some mini-pinwheels. You can get them at Oriental Trading Company. Using a pinwheel is a great way to help kids take deep breaths. (It’s helpful to practice when they are not upset.) Another great way to teach kids to calm their bodies is to tell them to, “smell the roses, and blow out the birthday candles.” And finally, balloons are another great tool for teaching kids how to deep breathe. Blowing up a balloon requires them to take a deep breath and then let it out.
This is just the first step, but helping kids learn to calm their bodies will help you to get to the second step of helping your child identify what they are feeling and finally talking about what to do about what they are feeling.
- Katie Ramsburgh M.A., LMFTA, Marriage and Family Therapist
- Marketing & Social Media Manager, Product Development
- The Gottman Institute
- 206-607-8689
- http://healinghomecounseling.com/
Here is an archive of Katie’s previous Macaroni Kid Columns:
